An Angel's Song Page 4

  Now finally alone, the grief enveloping her felt too deep for tears. They’d been replaced by a persistent ache in her chest and the hollow nausea of a swift kick in the gut. Neither felt as though they’d be going away anytime soon. Abandoning her contemplation of the plaster rosettes, Tessa rolled to her side, found a cool spot in the bed, and pulled her knees into her chest, curling in a tight, tense ball. Her father supported her decision to leave Alec. Then again, her father supported every decision she ever made, whether he agreed with it or not. But as he lay dying, he’d shoved her right back into Alec’s life. After all these years, was this his way of telling her he thought she’d made a mistake? Or was it simply her father’s final gift, a familiar face so she didn’t have to navigate this alone? Fragile was scary and unfamiliar territory. Maybe it was okay to let someone else worry about the bogeymen for a little while? At least until she resolved this desperate sensation of being a glass figure about to shatter into a million pieces. Whatever her father’s reasons, she couldn’t deny Alec’s arms provided comfort when she needed it most. Ten years ago, her desperate ploy for attention blew up in her face. Alec had neither forgotten nor forgiven. This time, this transition, could only be a temporary respite, at best.

  Chapter Five

  Alec stared at the bottom of his coffee cup, as if he might find answers in the dregs. She betrayed me. So why can she still tie me in knots?

  “Tessa looks well,” Alec’s mother remarked as she re-entered the kitchen and resumed her place at the table across from him. She reached for her cooling coffee and took a long, thoughtful sip before setting the cup back on the table and regarding him intently.

  “I guess,” Alec responded with a shrug. If he pretended disinterest, maybe he’d get there—eventually. Fake it until you make it.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Don’t hold your breath thinking this means more than it does. It’s a favor for a friend. I’m quite happy as I am.”

  “Are you really?”

  “Sure. I come and go as I please, answer to no one. Hell, I don’t even keep a permanent residence.” Why should he? No matter how many women offered to share his bed, none stirred his interest. Only one ever had, or ever would, own his heart. Each set of rooms was as empty as another. Only the view out the window changed.

  “Have you given any thought to what you’ll do when Michael no longer requires your services?”

  Alec slowly straightened in his chair as his eyes widened and an invisible hand seized his throat making it difficult to suck in a breath.

  “Exactly what did Michael tell you when he stopped by earlier?”

  Madge’s lips compressed in a thin line. Her chair screeched against the weathered floor tiles as she pushed it back and rose to her feet. Gathering up both her cup and Tessa’s, she stepped to the sink and deposited them. Gripping the edge of the marble counter, her shoulders rose beneath the silk dressing robe as she drew in a deep breath and blew it out again, before turning to regard her son from beneath lowered brows.

  “He simply confirmed what I’d more or less figured out for myself quite some time ago. It may have escaped your notice, but I’ve been around for well over a thousand years. I’m not blind, you know.”

  “If you knew I was working for Michael, why didn’t you ever say anything?” Alec grumbled, wondering exactly how much his mother actually did see.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” His mother shot back, lifting her chin as though preparing for a fight. “Tessa knew.”

  “Of course, she did. But, aside from sharing it with her, Michael swore me to secrecy, though apparently that oath doesn’t extend to him. Besides, I figured you had enough on your plate.”

  “You may find this difficult to believe, but I’ve resigned myself to the fact my children are adults with several hundred years of life experience under their belts. I try very hard to keep my fears and my opinions to myself and not offer unsolicited advice.”

  Alec snorted and made no effort to hide his skeptical expression. Which she pointedly ignored.

  “The fact is, I’m a mother. I will always worry. I worry about each one of you every single time you’re out of my sight. It doesn’t really matter whether you’re out hunting Fallen in a dark alley, or researching a paper trail of lost objects in some dusty library, or even doing something as innocent as eating pickles and ice cream while your unborn baby kicks you in the ribs. When you’re happy, I’m happy. When you’re miserable, my heart breaks. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you see a grown man. When I look at you? I still see a small boy with a runny nose and skinned knees. A little boy I could keep safe from the world. A little boy who needed me.”

  “Aw, Mom…” Alec rose from the chair and stepped across the kitchen to wrap his arms around his mother, shocked to feel her trembling. Madge McAllister was a rock. Even when her husband was killed in battle. Even when faced with the death of her only daughter at the hands of a psychotic killer. She kept it together, she comforted others, she put one foot in front of the other without ever seeming to stumble. Of course, given enough time, and battered by a hostile environment, he supposed even bedrock could crumble.

  “I’ll always need you, silly woman. But I’m pretty capable of wiping my own nose these days,” he murmured into her hair.

  “Well, at least there are some advantages to you growing up,” she sniffed with a laugh. She stepped back and swiped a forefinger under her eyes. “The work you’re doing for Michael may be important, but ultimately it’s his problem, not yours.”

  “McAllisters have always been fighters, I just use books instead of a blade.”

  “I see.” The skeptical expression on her face didn’t match her words.

  “It needs to be done.” Alec shrugged uncomfortably. His mother had always been a tad too perceptive, especially where her children were concerned. “And I’m good at it.”

  “I don’t doubt that for an instant, but I suspect this quest to recover all of Michael’s little indiscretions has cost you far more than it’s given you in return. Maybe it’s time to consider what makes you truly happy. Just promise me you’ll never forget being Earthbound doesn’t make you indestructible, it makes you a target.”

  “Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” Alec took a large sip of coffee to allow his mother a moment to regain her usual degree of composure. In truth, he needed a moment to regain his own. It had been the most bizarre twenty-four hours he remembered in a long time. First Barachiel’s death, then Tessa barreling back into his life, and now this unexpected and out of character heart to heart with his mother. Overall, he felt like he’d been hit by a truck.

  His mother glanced toward the door and back. Then she shrugged.

  “I don’t know. I guess maybe Barachiel’s death has me contemplating the fleeting nature of life. Even ours. No matter how long we live, it’s too short a time to spend it being unhappy. And seeing Tessa again, and the way you look at her, I guess I just remembered a time…”

  “I’m perfectly content with my life, Mother,” he interrupted shortly. As long as he didn’t stop and think about it too much. “Don’t forget, she’s the one who left, not me. Tell me, do you subject my sainted brother to these enlightening lectures?”

  “Not word for word, but yes. Several times over the years, in fact. Especially after your sister disappeared and he insisted on assuming the responsibility for something that was never his fault. Of course, now it’s Katrina’s job to keep him in line, thank the saints. I needed the break.”

  “Well, I would say she has her work cut out for her, but it’s nearly impossible to pull one over on an empath. Between that and the fact he adores her, I think maybe she’s got the upper hand.” Alec smirked.

  “I think maybe she does,” his mother agreed. “Although I would think twice about saying so to your brother who still harbors the delusion he’s in charge.”

  “He hasn’t been in charge since the day he met her,” Alec laughed. “He just won’t admit it. I
wasn’t sure anyone could save him from himself. But Kat did. I’ll always be grateful to her for that.”

  “Maybe he was finally ready to be saved.” Madge smiled. “But, you’re right. I’m grateful, too. It does my heart good to know your brother finally has his priorities in order.”

  “Meaning I don’t?”

  “I’m not sure what yours are. Now, you should probably go and try to get some sleep, too. If the exchange I overheard between you and Contessa in the garden earlier is any indication, I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”

  “The situation will be a lot easier to deal with once she’s had some rest.” Alec ran a hand through his hair and indulged in a jaw cracking yawn.

  “She’s heartbroken and exhausted. She isn’t a situation, she’s a woman with feelings and opinions. The sooner you get that through your head, the better.”

  “I’m well aware she’s a woman, Mother,” he grumbled irritably. “No worries on that score. And trust me, she can hold her own.”

  “There’s still a spark between you.” A statement, not a question.

  “There will always be a ‘spark’, as you so eloquently put it. You know how it works, Mother. We’re not just married, we’re bound mates. Two halves of the same soul. I think we’ve conclusively proven even that doesn’t guarantee happily-ever-after.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” Madge pushed him in the direction of the door. “Get some sleep. I’m meeting some friends at the new Caravaggio exhibit at the Galleria Borghese after lunch, and then I have dinner plans, so I may not be here when you wake up. Maria will be in later and I’ll have her leave something for you and Tessa in case you’re hungry and don’t want to go out.”

  “Okay,” he yawned, heading for the stairs. “Be careful.”

  “Always am.”

  “And Mom?” He stopped in the doorway without turning around. “I may not say it very often, but I do love you, you know. You’re the best.”

  “I am, aren’t I?” He couldn’t miss smile in her voice. “I love you, too, my baby boy. I love you, too.”

  Alec climbed the stairs slowly, the heavy stiffness in his limbs reminding him he hadn’t slept in nearly forty-eight hours. Some vacation this turned out to be. He’d need two weeks at an all-inclusive in the Caribbean to recover from it at this rate. Hauling himself to the top of the stairs, he totally intended to turn to the right in the direction of his own room. Totally. But his feet, it seemed, had a mind of their own and before he even thought about it, he found himself at the opposite end of the hall standing outside of the heavy wooden door of the room his sister used when she came to Rome. Maybe he’d been a little rough on Tessa earlier, but he’d been knocked for a loop by the mere sight of her. Still, she had just been through one of the worst nights of her life, so maybe he owed her an apology of sorts. He sucked in a deep whistling breath and blew it out slowly before rapping lightly on the door.

  He no sooner let out a sigh of relief at the lack of response to his tentative knock when a soft, sleep thickened voice called out.

  “Come in.”

  Alec swiped his sweat slicked palms down the side of his jeans, turned the knob, and cracked open the door. With her fiery locks tumbled around her face in tangled disarray, Tessa huddled in the center of the bed, sheet clutched to her breasts. The neckline of the thin, white nightgown slipped off to the side revealing a tantalizing glimpse of creamy shoulder. Her blue eyes were heavy-lidded and drowsy, and Alec experienced a vivid memory of her waking up in his arms after a night of passion. Then it hit him. She’d chosen someone else. That thought diverted the blood pounding into his groin right back into his general circulation.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” he muttered in a strained voice, annoyed at his body’s instantaneous reaction to the sight of her. He started to close the door.

  “No, wait. It’s okay…I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.” She flushed and tugged at her neckline until her shoulder was hidden from view. Shoving her heavy mass of hair away from her face, she wriggled until she was sitting completely upright. “Did you want something?”

  Damn straight he wanted something, but that was his libido talking, not his common sense. He slipped quickly through the door and dropped hard into a Seventeenth Century arm-chair upholstered in the Turkey work fabric popular at the time, scooting it up next to the bed. Snatching a small, decorative pillow from the pile near the headboard, he shoved it behind his aching neck, holding his breath as the ancient wood creaked and groaned under his weight and careless mistreatment. Thankfully, the thing remained in one piece.

  “Listen I, uh…” Alec shifted in the chair. “I acted like a jerk earlier. I was so busy concentrating on my own stuff, and how I felt, I didn’t consider what any of this must be like for you. I know how much you loved your father, and how much you’ll miss him. You sure as hell didn’t need my attitude on top of it. So, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” Tessa sighed. “I was tired and sad and scared. Angry at myself I wasn’t here sooner. I still don’t understand how it all happened so quickly. Frankly, I was completely shocked to see you.”

  “Probably about as shocked as I was to be seen. Tell you what,” he sat forward and reached out a hand. “Let’s try this again, shall we? Hello, Tessa. It’s good to see you. I’m really not a complete ass most of the time.”

  She gripped his hand in her much smaller, softer one and smiled faintly.

  “Hello, Alec. You have your moments. It’s good to see you, too, and I’m really not an argumentative shrew most of the time.”

  “You have your moments. Well, now we’ve gotten that out of the way, I guess I should go and hit the sack and let you get some rest, too. We’ll talk later.” He reluctantly withdrew his hand from the silken warmth of hers. Her fingers tightened convulsively around his before she released him.

  “Actually, I, uh, had one of my nightmares. I wouldn’t mind something to distract me for a bit.”

  Alec raised a brow.

  “I meant maybe we could talk,” she clarified with a frown. “If you aren’t too tired, that is. I don’t imagine you’ve gotten any more sleep than I have in the last twenty-four hours.”

  “Talk. Yeah, sure. I’m not tired. Nope, not at all,” he lied, thinking it had been well over twenty-four hours since he’d last seen the back of his eyelids.

  He slouched down and settled more comfortably into the chair, as comfortably as a man his size could manage in a chair intended for someone much smaller and lighter, and propped his booted feet on the mattress. Tessa turned on her side to face him and snuggled down into the bed regarding him intently, then offered him another faint smile.

  “You were never a very good liar, Alec. You’re exhausted. Go to bed. The nightmares are nothing new, I should be used to them. Residual stress. The worst has already happened, right?”

  “Yeah, the worst has already happened.” At least he hoped to hell it had. Why should she be having nightmares now after her father was already dead? Oh well, not his problem anymore. Maybe she was right and it was nothing more than an emotional hangover. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” She hesitated. “A divorce?”

  Chapter Six

  Tessa white-knuckled the bedclothes and pulled them to her throat as Alec’s boots hit the floor with the force of a shotgun blast. He jerked upright in the chair and leaned forward, pinning her to the bed with his gaze.

  “You filed for divorce?” he ground out through stiff lips.

  “No, I, uh…oh, hell, Alec, it’s been ten years.” Tessa sighed and pushed herself back into a seated position. “Maybe it’s time to cut our losses and move on.”

  “Cut our losses,” he echoed, easing back against the chair and crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not the one who threw away the moon to run off and chase the stars. That was all you.”

  “A person doesn’t have to be physically absent to throw away the moon and chase star
s, you know.”

  “No.” He’d run naked through Hell doused in gasoline before he agreed.

  “No?”

  “No, I won’t give you a divorce.”

  “I wasn’t asking for one, I was offering. I thought, after all these years, maybe you… maybe you found someone else—”

  “As I recall, that’s your modus operandi, sweetness, not mine.”

  “I guess you think I deserve that,” she whispered, her eyes searching his face.

  “Damn straight you do,” Alec snapped, shoving back the chair and rising to his feet. “But hey, it isn’t all on you. I took you for granted, became obsessed with the work. Isn’t that what you said? I get it now. Of course, maybe if I’d been a Defensori like my brother, or some other larger than life hero, I would have been enough. I guess the pen really isn’t mightier than the sword, no matter how skillfully it’s wielded, is it?”

  “I never needed a hero, Alec. Only a husband.” Tessa gasped, wincing as though he’d slapped her, and sank back against the pillows. “You thought you weren’t enough?”

  “My opinion of myself is just fine, thanks. And yours doesn’t matter, anymore.”

  Dear God, Tessa thought, as her heart contracted into a cold, painful lump. What have I done?