An Angel's Song Page 10

  “Because he asked me not to.” He drained his glass and set it on the end table. Then he climbed to his feet and moved to the window, giving her his back. “I didn’t agree with his decisions, but as his friend, I had no choice but to respect them. In much the same way he, as your father, had no choice but to respect yours. Even when he thought you were dead wrong.”

  “He never said he thought I was wrong,” Tessa mumbled, the leather creaking in protest as she shifted her weight and gulped a hasty mouthful of wine. Of course, he’d never actually said he agreed with her, either. He’d simply listened to her myriad of excuses, allowed her to cry it out, and continued to love her unconditionally. “I’m not sure I know how to be in a world without him in it. I miss him so much already.”

  “I know you do. And I also know you think you have to be strong, but grief isn’t weakness, Contessa, it’s the price of loving someone enough to feel their loss. Heartache is grim and uncomfortable, a dark room where no one wants to stay. The reality is, it never truly ends, but it does change. You don’t get over it, you learn to live around it. In time. Gradually the light returns. You will be whole again, but you’ll never be the same. I believe Barachiel hoped if you had Alec, that light would return sooner, and it would hurt less to let him go.”

  “Well, it didn’t. It simply handed me one more loss to mourn. Alec knows, you see. He knows all about how you and my father and Madge schemed to bring us together. He resents being manipulated.” And no doubt resented her as the cause, niggled a tiny voice in the back of her brain. Tessa drained her glass and set it on the coffee table. The she took a deep breath, shoved her heavy mass of hair away from her face wishing she’d remembered to tie it up, and rose unsteadily to her feet. “Which brings me to the reason for my visit. I’ve come to set him free.”

  “Really?” Michael crossed his arms over his broad chest, straining the seams of his custom tailored shirt, and arched a brow, inviting her to continue. Tessa twisted her fingers together in front of her and focused her attention on the wall just over his left shoulder.

  “I blamed you for a very long time, you know. You waved your angelic toys under his nose and convinced him they were out there waiting to create havoc if they came into Fallen hands. Then you dared him to find them, certain he couldn’t resist the challenge. And you were right.”

  “There was no better Earthbound for the job. Alec is blessed with an extraordinary talent and intellect.”

  “Yes, he is. Among other things. Do you know, even after fifty years together, every time I looked at him, the love I felt took my breath away? I wondered what I could possibly have done in my short life to deserve him. But, as time passed and he became increasingly obsessed with the work, I found myself fighting for his attention. I began to doubt myself, doubt his feelings for me.” Tessa shrugged. “I was young, insecure. It’s not much of an excuse, but it’s all I’ve got. It’s never easy to see beyond your own pain and view your actions from someone else’s perspective. It’s taken me years, but it’s excruciatingly enlightening. It forced me to grow up. The hard way.”

  “I’ve never met anyone who found an easy way.” The corners of Michael’s lips twitched.

  “Well, maybe you could pass it along to the powers in charge…there should be, because the alternative really sucks.” Tessa lips curled up reluctantly in return. “At any rate, Alec was wrong to treat me as an afterthought, but I realize now it was unintentional—unconscious. My retaliation, on the other hand, was deliberate. And cruel. Perhaps unforgivably so.”

  “Few things in life are unforgivable. Did you walk in the door that night with a well thought out plan to convince him you’d been unfaithful?”

  “Of course not. I walked in the door hoping there’d be some miraculous, earthshattering reason Alec failed me on one of the most important nights of my life. Instead, I got anger and accusations. I should have had the monopoly on angry and hurt that night. I know I looked a mess, but he never even asked what happened. I’d never given him any reason to doubt me. Yet, he so easily jumped to the worst conclusion. Why?”

  “Guilt.”

  Tessa’s heart kicked her hard in the ribs as she slowly turned to face a man emerging from the darkened interior of the walnut cabinet at the back of the room. Alec.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Alec stepped free of the cabinet serving as the hidden entrance from the public areas of the Castel to Michael’s quarters, and left the door hanging open. He’d been frantic when he materialized at the flat in the Borgo and discovered her backpack and her mother’s wedding box, but no Tessa. With no signs of a struggle, he discarded his initial panicked thought the animorti had returned. Where could she be? After discarding one idea after another, he could think of only one other place in Rome she might go. Heart racing, hands trembling, he fired off a text. When his query to the commander of the Defensori received a smiley face emoji in response, he knew he’d guessed correctly. She’d gone to Michael. Still, Alec’s pulse didn’t resume a normal rhythm until he’d stepped into the walnut cabinet in the Pope Paul III treasure room, endured a brain scrambling spin, and clapped eyes on Tessa as he silently opened the door on the other side. Then, just when he remembered how to breathe, his gut dropped into his boots when she announced she’d come to set him free. Like hell. He squared his shoulders and pressed his lips together. Generous of her, but so not happening.

  “What?” She breathed, a hand fluttering to her throat.

  “You heard me. We need to talk.” Alec locked eyes with Tessa, holding his breath until she finally closed her eyes and nodded.

  “A moment if you please, Your Grace?” He glanced at Michael and jerked his chin in the direction of a door leading to another room.

  “My, my, aren’t we formal today? And, since it seems to have escaped your notice…” Michael poked his index finger in the air and twirled it in a circle. “I live here.”

  “Your point?”

  “Find somewhere else to grovel to your wife and don’t let the door hit you in the ass.” The Archangel turned his attention to Tessa, pulled her close, and dropped a kiss on the top of her fiery curls. “It was good to see you, Tess.”

  “Thanks for listening.”

  “For you, two ears, no waiting…anytime, cara. Don’t stay away so long next time.”

  Tessa nodded into Michael’s chest, then turned to Alec. He held out a hand. Her shoulders rose and fell as she drew in a deep breath and blew it out, then she reached and curled her fingers around his. He moved in the direction of the cabinet, but she yanked him to a stop as he tugged her toward the open door. He turned to find all color flown from her already pale face.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Can’t we just fade out?” She whispered. “I’m not especially fond of small, enclosed places. Especially dark ones.”

  “Since when?”

  “I don’t know, exactly,” Tessa gazed up at him, her confusion apparent in her expression. “I just suddenly realized I’m not.”

  “Michael’s sigils recognize only his molecular signature. No one fades in or out unless they’re in physical contact with him. Everyone else is forced to use the back door. Close your eyes and hold on to me. I promise it’ll be fine. Trust me?” Alec lost himself in her wary blue eyes while awaiting her answer. Trust me. Less a question than a plea. Two words they both knew referred to much more than a two second trip through a whirling portal. The iron band squeezing his chest snapped free and fell away completely when, at last, she squeezed his fingers and took a step in the direction of the cabinet.

  “Okay. Just promise you won’t let me go.”

  “I’ll never let you go.” Alec shook his head with a self-deprecating smirk. Wasn’t he just the master of double entendre today? Though he noticed the remark sailed right over Tessa’s head. Her full attention seemed to be riveted on the dark confines of the cabinet at the moment.

  Alec waited until Tessa finally made a move to enter the tight space, and lifted a foot to cl
imb in behind her. Pressing his lips to her knuckles, he untangled their interlocked fingers.

  “Wait a sec.” Striding across the room, he stopped in front of the Archangel.

  “What?” Michael arched a brow.

  “I’ll admit, the idea of the three of you conspiring behind my back really pissed me off at first, but…” Alec offered the commander a crooked grin and stuck out a hand. He couldn’t miss Michael’s quickly suppressed expression of surprise as he clapped his palm against Alec’s in return. “Thanks. I think Tess and I can work it out from here, yeah?”

  “See that you do,” Michael replied in an absent tone as Alec hustled back to the wall unit and climbed in, wrapping one arm around Tessa and pulling her close. He felt her heart jump against his chest and race like a frightened rabbit’s as he reached to close the door.

  “Relax, I’ve got you.”

  Tessa stiffened in his arms before sagging against him with a soft sigh. Alec wondered at her reaction until he realized for the first time in ten years, without a second thought or a moment of hesitation, he’d willingly opened his mind to her and communicated on their own private mental pathway.

  “Silly man, you’ve always had me. Try not to forget it again.”

  No, he wouldn’t forget. He’d been so hell bent on demonstrating he could wage war against the Fallen just as well as his brother, he’d lost sight of something infinitely more important. Something infinitely more precious. Specifically, the woman currently clinging to him with a grip strong enough to fracture his ribs. Chuckling, he gently pried her arms free and repositioned them where they were less likely to cause damage. His talk show obsessed sister would probably accuse him of suffering from middle child syndrome. And just maybe she’d be right. Neither the lauded first-born, nor the coddled baby, he was the middle child struggling to stand out, to prove his worth. But, the only one who’d required proof was Alec himself. And without ever realizing it, he’d let it color his perceptions and impact every aspect of his life. Until now. Because now he understood he’d always been important to those who were important to him. He didn’t need to be a hero. He only needed to be himself. Whether he was a Defensori, a super sleuth, or a street sweeper. It made no difference to his family. It didn’t matter to Tessa. He was enough.

  “Hey, Michael?” he called, poking his head out of the half closed door.

  “Yeah?” The Archangel glanced up with a frown.

  “I quit.”

  Alec closed the door, plunging them into darkness, while laughing out loud at the look on Michael’s face. Then he wrapped both arms around Tessa and pulled her close as she buried her face in his chest and the cabinet launched into a dizzying spin.

  The instant Alec opened the door on the other side of the portal, Tessa tore free of his embrace and scrambled from the cabinet. Bent nearly double, her hair tumbling forward in a thick, wavy curtain hiding her face, she braced her hands on her knees, drawing in great, gulping mouthfuls of air. Uncertain how to help her, Alec placed a tentative hand on her back and stroked rhythmic, comforting circles until at last she straightened and pushed her hair back. Damp wisps clung to her cheeks and forehead and her color had faded from pale to non-existent.

  “I’m okay, now,” she croaked. “I’m okay.”

  “You sure as hell don’t look okay.” Alec pressed his lips together, a stone of unease settling in his gut. He pulled her into his arms, one hand smoothing the wayward tendrils out of her eyes. “You’ve never been claustrophobic before. When did this start?”

  “I have no idea.” Tessa shook her head, gazing up at him with wide, worried eyes. “I did have some anxious moments getting on the plane, which never happened before, but I chalked it up to lack of sleep and worry for my father. It didn’t even come close to this. As soon as that door closed, I felt alone, imprisoned, with an overwhelming urgency to escape. In my head, I knew you were right there holding me, but I couldn’t feel you. It was just me, alone in the dark, surrounded by whispers, overcome with desperation and despair.”

  “Tess, it lasted three seconds, five tops.”

  “I know.” She dropped her forehead to his chest and nodded. “I don’t understand it either. It seemed like forever, like it would never end. It felt like one of my nightmares, except I couldn’t wake up.”

  “Well, if this is how they affect you, let’s be thankful you don’t have them very often.”

  “Actually, over the last several years, they’ve gotten more and more frequent.” She turned her head and rested her cheek over his heart with a sigh. “I don’t know why. But, I’d left you, moved away from my father. While I enjoyed the work, loved the students, I formed no real relationships there. Maybe the increased nightmares were my subconscious reaction to my self-imposed isolation.”

  “I had no idea they were this bad. I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” She propped her chin on his chest and looked up at him with a faint smile. At least her color was returning. “It isn’t your fault. I’ve had them for years.”

  Maybe the nightmares themselves weren’t his fault, but how many nights did she wake up in this condition, alone in the dark, while he buried his nose in his research? Yet, she’d never complained. Just one more kick in the ass he deserved. It seemed there was no end to the levels on which he’d failed her.

  “I know back there I said we need to talk. I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate. I think it’s more a case of I need to talk and you need to listen. C’mon.” Alec pressed his lips to Tessa’s still moist curls and set her away from him. Then he linked his fingers through hers and guided her around the enormous chests occupying the center of the Treasury Room, and out into the more ornate rooms of Alessandro Farnese, Pope Paul III.

  “This room is incredible,” Tessa gasped, craning her neck to take it all in as Alec hurried her along. Decorated in frescoes and stucco relief, depictions of Michael and Hadrian monitored their progress through the space from opposite sides of the vaulted ceiling.

  “Yeah.” He paused to allow her to enjoy it, thankful the dark shadows haunting her eyes appeared to be fading. “See that?”

  He brought his head close to hers and pointed to an enormous crest featuring the fleur-de-lis surrounded by unicorns prominently situated in the center of the ceiling. “The Farnese coat of arms. With Michael on one end of the room and the Emperor Hadrian on the other, it was Paul III’s way of proclaiming he’d single-handedly brought together classical and Christian tradition. In his opinion, at least. The theme in all of the frescoes commissioned by Paul III is he’s the heir of the ancient emperors and the savior of Rome.”

  “Hmm, really modest guy,” Tessa smiled. “And the woman seated with the unicorn below it?”

  “A symbol for chastity. Of course, Alessandro Farnese, later Paul III, received his appointment to the College of Cardinals by virtue of his younger sister’s affair with Alexander VI, the Borgia pope. And since Farnese, himself, claimed at least one mistress, along with multiple children, including a grandson who also rose to the office of pope, the irony is inescapable.” Alec shrugged. “Still, he was a dedicated patron of the arts. Everyone employed nepotism to advance the power and fortunes of the family in those days. It was a different time.”

  “Indeed,” Tessa whispered. Alec glanced down and his heart lurched at her unmistakable exhaustion. He’d planned to take her up to the roof, to present her with the wondrous, panoramic vista of the Eternal City at night, hoping her delight in the view would work in his favor when he spilled his guts. And there he went, making it all about him again.

  “Come here.” He coaxed in a gentle voice. In the blink of an eye, he released her hand and scooped her up against his chest. Seconds later, she lay curled in his arms on the sofa in the Borgo flat.

  “Mmm, this is nice,” Tessa murmured in a sleepy voice. “Thank you.”

  She shifted her position, grinding her softly rounded bottom into his groin. A very specific part of his anatomy jumped to attention, calling to mi
nd exactly how much nicer it could be. Alec dropped his head back against the sofa with a barely suppressed groan. Reminding himself of Tessa’s exhaustion, the fact they hadn’t really talked yet, and his resolution to start putting her needs ahead of his own, he shifted uncomfortably and counted the cracks in the ancient plaster ceiling.

  “Alec?” She mumbled over a yawn. “Did I hear you tell Michael you quit your job?”

  “Go to sleep, Tess. We’ll talk later.”

  “You can’t quit your job, Alec. You love that job.”

  Yeah, he loved the job. But, he didn’t love the person he became in its pursuit. Seeing Tessa again didn’t just forced him to consider the state of his marriage, it compelled him to take a good, hard look at himself. He saw a self-absorbed, glory seeking asshole concerned with no one’s needs except his own. He took the exquisite, singular, gifted woman in his arms for granted, assuming in his arrogance she would always be there, content to wait until he had time to spare. In short, he became a blind, unfeeling caricature of Alec McAllister, a shadow of the man Tessa married, someone he barely recognized. He wasn’t that man. He didn’t want to be that man, not again. Not ever. Yeah, he loved the job, but without Tessa, even the victories rang hollow. Because, despite the I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass attitude he adopted since she left, nothing meant anything without her. Her soft, even breathing indicated she’d already fallen asleep. She wouldn’t hear. But, he had to say it. Because now he once again found himself, he found his truth.

  “I love you more.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tessa woke to skin warmed by ribbons of sunlight filtering through the slats of the long, wooden shutters, and the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Feeling more rested and refreshed than she had in what seemed like forever after a deep and surprisingly dreamless sleep, she stretched like a contented cat. Still wearing her clothes from the day before, she swung her legs over the side of the sofa. Her bare feet struck the smooth, cool tile just as Alec appeared in the doorway of the small, but well-equipped kitchen of the flat. He balanced two cups of coffee in one hand and dangled a paper bag in the other. His gaze roamed over her in silence, then he cleared his throat and strode into the room.